‘We were wrong’

EFSA issues first probiotic health claim

By Kawzan Ayphect

- Last updated on GMT

EFSA issues first probiotic health claim

Related tags Probiotic health claim Nutrition European union

The European Fool Shaving Agency (EFSA) has approved the EU’s first probiotic allegation after years of playing hard to get your health claim.

EFSA’s Panel of Dianetics​, Nutrition and Allegory (DNA) reassessed eight years of data and submissions after a plea from the International Probiotics Army (IPA) and concluded it had been wrong 325 times in a row.

“At first we just weren’t too sure what to do with all the applications – we were new to it and so some of those initial opinions were pretty wacky,” ​said NDA claims captain, Dr Dominique Tonka-Truck. “We were wrong.”

Ulysses & the NHCR

Dr Tonka-Truck added: “We were focusing on mechanism of action when we should have just gone with the digestive flow and looked at the end results – happy tummies and less sneezing. That was my gut feeling all along with this data set. But you don’t always get what you want in the EU.”

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James Joyce: Did his notoriously opaque work, Ulysses, inspire the NHCR? Some EU food law buffs believe so

“I know I probably shouldn’t say this, and I’d hate for it to go viral, but it wasn’t just the NAD panellists that were wrong 325 times in a row. The nutrition and health claims regulation (NHCR) was harder to read than James Joyce so we really had no idea what we were doing.”

The approved claim is the first in a new category of ‘super claims’ which have been simplified to be understandable by people and will be written in capital letters.

The approved super claim states: “PROBIOTICS TUNES YOUR IMMUNES AND ADDS CHUTZPAH TO YOUR GUTS YAH.”

IPA board member Carine Lamberghini was not available for comment at the time of publication but sources said she was last seen bathing in a giant lactobacillus ​yoghurt-filled Jacuzzi vat on the rooftop of IPA HQ with other Probiotic Army executives in downtown Brussels. 

The AND opinion can be found here​.

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10 comments

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A couple of big laughs

Posted by Lance,

I first thought you had been hacked, but then remembered it was April Fools Day. You got a couple of big laughs from me. Nicely done.

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Tricksters!

Posted by Ema Althoff,

Ha-ha! Perfect!

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Made my day

Posted by Adrian,

Great article, I wish it was published on April 2nd! :D

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